Yesterday, was the first time I was able to go into the jail with Cain and give my testimony. It's not that I didn't want to go into the jail or anything. I have just been busy taking care of babies and my heart problems physically wiped me out for a few years so I have not been able to serve in any ministry outside our home for about 8 years. I really love people and have missed interacting with other adult humans. I've been sensing that my season of life is about to change from always being home to doing more ministry outside our home and alongside my husband.
Cain always tells me stories about things that happen in jail or what people say, but I have never been physically along side him in this ministry God has called him to. As we walked up to the jail, I saw white cement brick walls, chain link fence and razor wire. The guards seemed friendly, it was a sunny happy day and little geckos were scurrying all over. What could go wrong? Despite all of this I was terrified. Not of the fact that I am going to be locked in the same room without guards with murderers, rapists, and gangbangers, but because I am terrified of public speaking. And also there was the message that the Lord was putting on my heart to tell them.
At first the plan for the jail was that I would give my testimony just in front of just the women, but the night before Cain told me he wanted me to talk to the men also. In this jail Cain has three Bible studies every Thursday, two for men and one for women with about 30 to 40 people in each study. As people entered the room they they were friendly some shook hands some didn't. Cain made sure to say God bless you and to interact with each person to make them feel welcome. Cain has always told me how much he loves these people and I know he does. But to see his love for them was totally a different experience. It's like Cain is an extension of God's love to these people. I've got to say that I'm pretty impressed and have even more respect for the man. (This is coming from the one who knows all his weaknesses.) The thing that is impressed on my memory, perhaps forever, is that God was there in each Bible study. You could feel God's presence, His peace and His love.
The other thing that is impressed on my memory is the faces, so many faces. Some know my Jesus, some don't and others are searching. I will never forget some of their faces. In one of the studies there was this one guy who resembled a wiry, hyper, amish guy (the beard) who was struggling with forgiving other guys that were trying to steal his stuff in the jail. He was asking why he was having such a hard time forgiving these guys over and over. I'll never forget seeing the relief on his face when I told him what he is experiencing is normal. If you are struggling with sin you are growing in your relationship with Jesus and if there is no struggle there is something wrong like you're not saved.
In one particular study I felt heavy burden from the Lord prompting me to speak up for the women and children that are being hurt by some of these men, that they need to stop it and repent. I also exhorted them that they need to protect their families and that God loves them. The Lord has been giving me this verse for a few months,"For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" Esther 4:14. I was sensing that the Lord would use me to give this message for such a time as this, but if I chose not to give it, He would send someone else. God will accomplish His will with or without us.
I really don't think I'll be the same after this experience after seeing all the faces representing those I have been praying for for years and feeling God's presence there. God is giving me a love and a burden for these people too. I'm praying about how often to go with Cain to the jail and I'm really looking forward to serving together.